Friday, April 29, 2022

Where The Manosphere And Dating Gurus Failed

 After the rise of Feminism, there has been a push back against the conventional notion of masculinity. Feminism in itself is not harmful to society. It is radical Feminism and its ramifications as it relates to interpersonal dynamics that have led to the existence of entire subcultures of men feeling inclined to adopt a new predisposition. Masculinity as an entity has two parts in my 'opinion'. There's the positive masculinity where a man  defends and preserves his family from any potential threats. It's also what motivates a man to give provision to maintain his family bloodline. Positive Masculinity is essentially a teacher that knows how to show compassion to others but also knows when how to be stern when the circumstance  demands it. Positive Masculinity is the mature masculine, It's the responsible man, the awakened man, and the shrewd man. Then  there is dark masculinity or the hidden. Dark masculinity is not evolved. It nestles our inner most primitive and instinctual drives. This is where the male ego, hostility, and aggression lives. It also represents our sexual nature as men. Now what does this have to do with the state of the manosphere? I personally feel as though that men in this community are more concerned with giving men a formula instead of focusing on building actual rapport and most importantly showing them how to have a better relationship with themselves. Now this is not saying that men in the manosphere should 'teach' men how to love themselves more because essentially you 'can't' do that. No man is responsible for raising another man's self-esteem. However in this space, we became so outcome dependent that we tend to forget about the process and the journey of evolving into who we're destined to be. In other words, I'll be satisfied with 'who I am' once I achieve a certain result. 'Until then I am a piece of shit, that no one truly admires or loves.  'So I will be more  than willing to escape my whole life for building a better future.' This is what the whole being on your purpose implies . 'It's just about the grind, grind, grind for me'. 'Get jacked, get money, and get women'. This what the manosphere generally paints as  a successful life. The truth is that women 'do not care' about a man's purpose unless they are a part of it or they're the beneficiary. I think there should be more of an emphasis on shadow work. The recommendation of professional therapy or counseling should be more encouraged throughout the manosphere instead of reading a mere blog post, a book , or get physically fit.  I'm not saying that these things aren't effective in itself. I feel like those things personally aren't getting to the root cause of the men's issues. Changing your mind about yourself is a bit more challenging if you've been 'imprinted' by a significant event or a series of events.  There's some men  in this space that want to employ dating strategies or listen to their favorite content creator affirm their  inner most personal sentiments without doing any internal work. 'Yo, that's hard' . In actuality it doesn't matter what  form of game you use or what you have, if you don't confront your shadow self; you will never truly feel comfortable with yourself which will ultimately lead to a lack of inner peace. You can't truly develop the confidence, charisma, and masculinity of the alpha male if you don't come into terms with your shadow. Your 'shadow 'self is considered the parts of you that 'you' reject or deny (subconscious). It is often thought of the parts of your personality that you don't like or feel is unacceptable.  I remember listening to the audiobook version of 'Pimp; The Story Of My Life By Iceberg Slim' and in the introduction Iceberg Slim (Robert Beck)   stated that 'there's no one lonelier than a pimp'. That kind of struck me, and I was little curious to why he felt that way.  Listening to the first chapters I then had an idea of why he felt that way.  Robert Beck had resentment towards his mother for leaving his honorable step father name Henry. That stuck  with him all the way up into adulthood and manifested itself while dealing with various women. Robert Beck had unresolved anger issues since young.  So what is the point I'm trying to make? You can't live a wholesome life with internal demons. Women are bloodhounds for 'weaknesses' and low confidence and low self-esteem SCREAMS low-value regardless of your outer appearances and material possessions.  So if you are resentful in most cases it won't affect women at all. Out of anything when a man holds on to bitterness he's causing more harm to himself and those closest to him. Men usually come to the manosphere either because they've been jerked around or exploited by women. Rejection in some cases  have led men into the manosphere subculture or at the least this was the case for me. Either a man has been through a tough divorce, or  multiple divorces, a bad breakup,  toxic relationship, or tough dating situations, these are usually the catalysts that cause men to enter online sub communities such as MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way), the Red Pill community, IBMOR (Introspective Black Men Of Reform), or SYSBM (Save Yourself Black Men). Before a man live up to his fullest potential, he has to get his wounds healed instead of masking it up with some form of game or material possessions. The Red Pill  and Game have to be internalized. However this is a process of its very ow and every man is unique, all men won't mature at the same rate. There are some dating gurus out there that would be over critical of guys that 'just don't get'. What has to be remembered is that every man came under a unique set of circumstances. Some men have tougher skin than others, they 'just got it' at an earlier age.  Some may have been a bit fortunate to accumulate a vast amount of experiences at an earlier age. Some men may have had a troubling childhood or adolescent hood that completely altered their perception of not only themselves but their entire lives . So 'empathy' is not a gift that some gurus  possess, it can also be an acquired skill. I'm not saying by no means that it's 'easy' on a coach. I have a genuine, mutual, and baseline respect for any men's coach, but to balance patience, compassion, and firmness  are very far in between and take time and effort to achieve.  There's no such thing as a perfect coach, but I believe there is one suitable for all. 





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